SPOILER ALERT!

Dear author

BBW PARANORMAL: The Moon Was The Brightest On The Night We Kissed BBW Paranormal Romance Short Story (BBW Romance, BBW, BBW Romance And Alpha Males, BBW BWWM, BBW Paranormal) - Samantha Wellshauna

 Do you see that space before the d in do?  It is called, well, a space.  Writers use spaces between words so readers know when one word ends and another word begins.  There are even two (2!) spaces between sentences.  These two things are done so a story does not look like this:

 

Theauthorofthis shortebooklooks likeshe is areallynice woman.She hasa cutedog.She evenuseda somewhatfatheroine.

 

Despite the use of a fat heroine, this book is bad for the following reasons:

 

1. "She had a few extra ponds here and there which made her self-confidence be a bit smaller than most people's".   No doubt it is the fault of the frogs and fish in those ponds.  Is the self confidence here the same as the inner goddess in 50 Shades?

 

2.  "Her motivation was to maybe get Ben to notice her, but apparently it was doing the opposite."  I hate it when my motivation doesn't do what it intends.

 

3. Is it Ben or ben?

 

4. I have lost count of how many times maybe is misused (see #2 for a case).

 

5. "They hadn't spoken in two weeks, and Hannah tried with desperation to call him."  It's good that she has friends like Desperation.

 

6. "Show ordered if maybe there was a reason for him to be so quiet, but she assumed that it was probably what she would find out on Friday".  -  I have no idea what that means, and English is my native tongue.

 

7. "When it finally did, Hannah managed to skip as class in order to get there early"    - What is as class?

 

8. "Ben had black hair, and it was draped over his eyes and he looked even paler" - So his hair is like a wig?  Paler than what?

 

9. When a man reveals he's a vampire, I think some shock is in order, especially when there is no hint that Hannah lives in a place with vampires.  Shrugging and letting him bite your neck without blinking is rather strange and passive.  Is she so accepting because of her ponds?  (And if what was suppose to be pounds as I believe it was, this is a horrible endorsement of fat women being desperate for intercourse that they will do anything).