Things that Annoy About Star Wars

Star Wars (IV) was the first movie I can remember seeing in the theatre.  I was one those who was a kid when IV, V, and VI came out.  The below focuses more on the newer movies (I, II, III) as well as the cartoons.  Little mention is made of the various books and comic books.

1. Count Dooku.
Honestly, if that was your name would you leave the house?  It sounds like dookie.  Once a character’s name sounds like Dookie, he becomes funny not scary, even if you do get the great Sir Christopher Lee to play him.

2. Lucas allowing Chewie to be killed off.
As Stan Lee says, ‘nuff said.

3.  The accents of the Hutts in Episode I and those Clone War cartoons
What did cross-dressers do to Lucas?  How come the Hutts talk so darn funny?  Did he have a bad trip to New Orleans, Georgia, or the Islands?  Lucas took an awesome gangster and has made the whole Hutt family into oozing snot worms that aren’t scary at all.  What was Han worried about?

4. Padme loving Anakin.
I can’t deal with this one right now.  Wait for it.

5. Vader not knowing Leia was his daughter.
Either way you look at this, it doesn’t work.  In Jedi, Leia says she remembers her real mom.  If this was the case, why didn’t Vader simply count backwards?  Perhaps the Jedi learning program doesn’t include sex ed.  Even if Leia’s mother could’ve hidden the pregnancy or we take Padme’s death into account, than how come Vader didn’t sense something?  Leia spends far more time in IV and V in Vader’s company than Luke does, so how come Vader can sense the connection to Luke and not Leia?  Is so we can excuse the torture of Leia in I?  (Yes, torture, that’s a torture droid, not a poker player).

6. Anakin and Padme
It really should be mentioned more than once.

7. The Jedi
In all fairness, Lucas did touch on some of the questions I have, but it’s like a brushing of the fingers type of a touch.

(a). How are they not a cult?  Brainwashing is okay in the service of the greater good?

(b) How are they non-political if they work for a political entity?

(c) Who died and made them god?  Isn’t messing with people’s minds non-kosher?

(d) Why would they use the clones?  Hello, they didn’t come from a good source.

(e)Why mullets?

(f) How come all the powerful and talkative Jedi are male?  How come the surviving Jedi
Are male?

8. The Jedi view of Sith
This really confuses me.
(a) Sith are bad, but it’s okay for Jedi to rewire people’s minds and try to steal products? 

(b) There is only one master and one apprentice – Maul, Sidious, Dooku are three.  Three is not two.  And that’s not counting the ones in the cartoons.  I refuse to believe they can learn that quickly.

(c) Only a Sith believes in absolutes. – As a review pointed out, this is an absolute statement, so all Jedi are Sith.  So are you, if you believe a table is an absolute table.

(d) The fact that a dark hood that doesn’t hide your rather unique nose is a good disguise.

9. The lack of women.
What is the Star Wars Universe?  China with a one child policy and male preference?

10. Darth Maul coming back from the dead.
Okay, I didn’t actually see this one, but I heard about it after seeing an ad on G4 while watching Ninja Warrior.  Basically, Kenobi isn’t a Jedi now because he really didn’t defeat Maul is what I’m thinking.  What’s Star Wars become, Marvel Comics?

11.  The fact that Anakin could take on the whole Jedi temple with some Clones and not even get hurt.

12. Anakin and Padme
This is going to be a long one because the whole thing is so screwed up and that is not even mentioning the age thing.  It really is. 

Honestly, am I the only one who thinks that if Anakin had been spanked it would’ve been good for him?  For a man who is supposed to belong to a monkish order, he sure is a spoiled brat.  Why, for instance, didn’t he see his mother sooner?  Better yet, why didn’t the Jedi or even Padme see about buying and freeing Shimi considering she helped them?  Furthermore, Anakin is disloyal because he is willing to leave Kenobi to his fate simply because the Jedi Council, who he really doesn’t listen to, told him so.

Yet, strangely, this spoiled, self entitled, and disloyal man-boy gains the love of a humanist, pacifist, possibly only honest politician in the universe.  How?  It’s not like he is drop dead gorgeous.  If he looked like Michael Fassbender I could understand, but he doesn’t.  What does Padme see him?  Because he dreams about her?  He can peel a fruit without a knife?  Because Shimi just had him (don’t even get me started on that one)?  I went to see II with two other women and my brother.  My brother wanted us ladies to explain to him why Padme loved Anakin.  We couldn’t.  It makes no sense.  Padme has better chemistry with Jar-Jar.  And even if you buy the initial attraction, why would Padme, the humanist, marry a man who killed a whole tribe, even children?

If they were in lust so badly, then why not just have sex?  For a secret relationship, they seem pretty open about it.  Did you see Padme’s pad?  There’s no hiding there; even the Jedi seem to accept it because they know about Anakin’s attraction and leave him alone with Padme.

Padme’s character in the third movie is also very problematical and raises the question of what anyone sees in her.  In the first two movies, she was a character of strength and principles, in Sith all she does is cry.  She’s a wet rag.  She becomes a vessel, not a character.  This is extremely clear in the manner of her death.  She confronts (in a way) her husband about his actions at the temple and is, strangely for a woman who cares about her unborn offspring, willing to run away with a child killer and neglect all her responisblites.  Then Kenobi appears and Anakin chokes her.  After the fight, she gives birth and dies for no apparent reason.  She has lost the will to live and her heart is broken.  So she becomes defined solely by her love for Anakin who abuses her before her death and for which abuse she forgives him.  This might have been interesting if Lucas had actually dealt with cycles of abuse, but he didn’t.  Anakin loses his arm and legs, and gets burned but survives, and Padme just dies.

How does Leia remember her real mother?  And why is Leia a princess?

How come the fate of the children is determined solely by men and not is their mother?  One word – Vessel.

Why does this matter?  It doesn’t, not really.  Except Lucas had an excuse with IV, V, and VI.  He was young, success was uncertain.  There is no excuse for the problems in I, II, III and the cartoons and books.  Perhaps this should be used as a marketing cautionary fable.




Reblogged from Chris' Fish Place