Was going to use this for a cozy bingo read but

That Old Witch! - M. Z. Andrews

I was going to use this as my cozy bingo read, but I can't finish it.  I cannot take 400 plus pages of this.


You would think it would be good.  It almost sounds a witchy version of Golden Girls meets Murder, She Wrote.  But nope.  


I mean, I knew I was in trouble when I started - take for instance


". . . a sudden, fierce gust of wind whipped at the newly budded tree branches and sent a spray of gavel dust up into the air, exfoliating the front of the three-story Victorian and the back end of the old jalopy parked in the dirt driveway" (1)




"The pale, wrinkled skin on her outstretched arms sagged from just below her elbows to her armpits, her short elastic sleeves doing little to carry the burden of the excess baggage" (1)




"Arched white trellises covered in pink and purple clematis and lavender-shaded wisteria ancoer themselves centrally" (2)




"With her nose still point to the clouds, Kat opened her eyes and ever so slowly dropped her chin." (3)


(I'm not sure how the nose stays pointed at the sky the, to be honest).




"She had only a few minutes to get out of the garden before the magic fertilizer with the rain coming down." (3).


There also are the following questions - if the majority of people in the town are okay with witches, then how is saying you went to witch school a conversation killer?  How can never being married means you have no family or friends?  If the funeral director let you leave the funeral with a woman's ashes, you should not be surprised when you discover that she named you in her will.  If you had to leave town for years, why did you run a diner there?  I mean, how could you do that?  If you leave in the town for, say, 40 years, and then left for a few years, say 5, shouldn't you know at least the old stories?